Olmert was sitting in his office wondering how to
invade Lebanon when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Olmert!" a heavily accented voice said.
"This is Abul Abed,down at the tea house in Beirut! I am callin` to
tell ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, yes you!"
"Well" Olmert replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Abul Abed, after a moments
calculation "there is myself, my cousin Mustafa,
me next-door-neighbor Abou khaled, and the
whole team from the tea house. That makes eight!"
Olmert paused. "I must tell you Abul Abed,
that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Holy jeez," said Abul Abed. "I`ll have to call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Abul Abed called again.
"Mr. Olmert, the war
is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Abul Abed?", Olmert
asked.
"Well sir, we have two Mercedes 180, and a truck."
Olmert sighed. "I must tell you Abul Abed, that I
have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers.
Also I`ve increased my army to one
and a half million since we last spoke."
"Ya lateef", said A Abul Abed, "I`ll be getting back to ya."
Sure enough, Abul Abed rang again the next day. "Mr.
Olmert , the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne!
We modified a helicopter with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit,
and four more neighbors have joined us as well!"
Olmert was silent for a minute then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you Abul Abed that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000
fighter planes.
My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided,
surface-to-air missile sites.
And since we last spoke, I`ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Lah lah lah lah," said Abul Abed, "I`ll have to call you back."
Sure enough, Abul Abed called again the next day.
"Mr. Olmert I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have
had to call off this war."
"I`m sorry to hear that" said Olmert. "Why the sudden
change of heart?"
"Ya khayi, " said Abul Abed, "we`ve all sat ourselves
down and had a long chat, and come to realize that there is no way
we can feed two million prisoners."
LEBANESE CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN!
1 comment:
The IDF are walking through Lebanon in heavy cloud, tanks rolling forward when out of the mists comes a voice:
"One Lebanese is better than two Israelis"
The commander calls up his two best fighters and tells them to go and find the man and kill him. After a blaze of gunfire there's silence. Then, out of the clouds the same voice shouts out:
"One Lebanese is better than twenty Israelis"
Twenty soldiers are called up, given the best weapons and armour available and are sent off to sort this man out.
The sounds of shots ring out, then the clash of knives and again silence...
"One Lebanese is better than a hundred Isrealis" the voice taunts
This time the commander sends out two hundred soldiers. A fierce battle follows with guns, knives and hand to hand fighting; then silence.
Out of the mists a beaten Isreali is seen crawling back to the commander gasping his last air he says:
"Commander, Commander they're lying - there's two of them!"
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